


Be Still, my Foolish Heart

by MagpieCrimes



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Feelings, First Kiss, M/M, Mild Smut, No Betas: we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-12 04:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20157733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagpieCrimes/pseuds/MagpieCrimes
Summary: The future was scary when you have an eternity ahead of you. An eternity spent weaving in and out of people’s lives.





	Be Still, my Foolish Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [knight_enchanter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/knight_enchanter/gifts).

With the end of the world avoided, there was a certain finality that seemed to hang in the air regarding their time at the Ritz. Waiting for the big one wasn’t exactly what Crowley had in mind, but his world had been revolving around ensuring the world didn’t end this time. With said crisis averted, lunch wrapped up, and Aziraphale spooning the last bite of his parfait into his mouth, that feeling just spread through his chest. 

The future was scary when you have an eternity ahead of you. An eternity spent weaving in and out of people’s lives. 

Crowley paid their tab, even if the custom of human money was still alien enough that the different notes just lead to more confusion. 

“Where are you headed?”

Crowley barely looked up in the short walk from the seating area to the elevator, pressing the button to summon the elevator. 

“Up. Usually about as high as I can go these days without one of your lot telling me no,” he sauntered into the elevator, illuminating the four. Aziraphale raised an eyebrow and just waited the rest of the ride up. 

“Had a bit of cash saved up,” Crowley murmured and headed out of the elevator first, slipping the key from his pocket to unlock the door, replacing it to push open the suite. He stretched on his way in, grabbing the ‘do not disturb’ sign and hanging it over the handle after Aziraphale followed him in. “Thought it would be a good send off after all this.”

“What?” Aziraphale cocked his head, “what do you mean send off?”

“Angel, you know how this goes. We have a thing. We see each other for a decade or two and then we don’t so much as send whispers through the stars for ten times as long. We always just end on a sour note every other time or one of us gets pulled away unexpectedly and…” Crowley made his way over to the window, hiding his face. “I just wanted something nice to think about for the next hundred years until I see you again.”

Aziraphale checked behind himself, noting the door had closed behind them. “What do you mean? They’re not even going to be paying attention to us. If anything, this means we have more time.” Crowley flinched as Aziraphale’s hand clasped his shoulder. “What has you worried?”

“Everything.” Crowley’s voice was low against the glass. He had leaned to look out with his forehead pressing his arm against the window, taking in the unworried people below that didn’t realize the world could have ended. “If anything, I should be at your side in all this, and at the end of it, I won’t be.”

“You were at my side today,” Aziraphale reassured him, arms circling from behind to hug him. “You’ve been at my side each step of the way. You’ll be at my side next time.”

“What if there isn’t a next time and this is it?” Crowley’s hand rested on the tightening grip around his waist. “What if next time, the problem is something I created? I have a lot of time to ask questions in a hundred years.”

Aziraphale took a step back, then held his hand out. “If you’re up to trouble, what makes you think I won’t be right there?”

Crowley took it, allowing himself to be led the few step back. Aziraphale sat on the bed, not worrying himself with shoes on the duvet, and invited Crowley to sit with him. In all their time, this was the most the two of them had touched at any given moment. Aziraphale scooted himself over, surprised at how Crowley had taken to drape himself over the side of his lap, instead of leaning back against the pillows behind them. Nevertheless, Aziraphale wasted no time in running his fingers through Crowley’s hair. The demon seemed to almost purr under his touch, relaxing despite the heavy questions that still hang in the air. Crowley seemed open to the touch, stretching himself out to lean against Aziraphale’s side the longer his fingers twisted through his amber hair. 

“Crowley, you never answered me,” Aziraphale pressed, hooking his finger under his chin and tilting his face up so Crowley had to look at him. Crowley’s slitted eyes turned, refusing to look at him. “Why wouldn’t I be there?”

“I don’t know.I’m just afraid to ask you to stay. I don’t want the answer to be worse than when--- nevermind.” Crowley shook his chin from Aziraphale’s grasp, swinging long legs over toward the side of the bed to get himself as far from the situation as he could. Feelings didn’t belong inside him. Not these ones. A hand caught his wrist and pulled him back, startling him thoroughly. Soon, Crowley found himself flat on his back, both of Aziraphale’s hands pinning his shoulders to the mattress. 

“I’m not so cruel as to cast you out of my place of happiness. Not six thousand years ago. Not now. And if I’m so bold, that place has always had you in it. You’re an absolute fool to think otherwise.” Aziraphale released him, twisting to sit back against the headboard and lounge on the bed. 

“That’s not the worst thing you’ve called me, Angel.” 

“I’m just hurt you would actually think---” Aziraphale clasped his hands over his lap, turning his gaze away from Crowley when he rolled over, crawling over his legs. Crowley’s face was inches from his, snake eyes peering deep into his own. 

“Think what? That I’d be alone? No one in Hell likes me either, Angel.”

“I like you.”

Crowley’s world slowed to a stop. The final barrier broke with Aziraphale’s gentle lean, the rub of his cheek against Crowley’s before capturing his lips, with soft hands on either side of his face. If he died, he expected God to give him a clue, even if she stopped talking to him so many millennia ago. Crowley swallowed down the lead ball in his throat, otherwise frozen in place. 

“Even in my anger, I never stopped caring about you. I worried every day. What is he up to?” Aziraphale whispered against his lips, stealing small kisses between statements. “I stopped caring long ago if we were found out to be… together, I just didn’t have the words to say something until I knew we would be safe from the ears all around us.” Aziraphale stroked the side of his cheek with his thumb, finally responding to the touch by leaning into it. “I know they won’t be looking for us for a while. You know it too. I just don’t know when we’ll get a time like this again.”

The sudden shift in Aziraphale’s demeanor, his admissions, renewed life in Crowley he had long since pushed down when he fell from Grace. “Someone’s brazen.”

“Only for you.” Aziraphale tugged Crowley closer, losing track of hands and mouths in the process. In the grand scheme of things, Crowley should have focused more on hiding, leaving, being anywhere but here, but with the angel leaving kisses against his neck, focused on him and just him, for the first time since the world was created, he didn’t feel entirely alone. 

Crowley found himself rolling onto his back before too long, succumbing to desires he had long since pushed down. Now he could give in. Now he could communicate in a way that made more sense to him, because words offered a sense of vulnerability that never sat right with him. Now he could show as there was no way he could fully convey what he wanted to tell. 

Crowley bit his lip, speaking with his eyes exactly what he wanted and how he wanted it. Aziraphale took the hint, holding a finger to Crowley’s lips and hushing where there had been no sound. Crowley found himself moaning softly into Aziraphale’s mouth, hands grasping for purchase on his lower back as the angel moved inside him. Years of longing were culminating in the place they always returned to, together, so they could join together. Crowley’s chest heaved, overwhelmed with sensation. Nothing could have prepared him for the soft look his angel gave him when he gave himself over. Nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of belonging. Nothing could have begun to prepare him for the surge of emotion that shot through him when his angel spoke those words that generally only meant something to humans, sending a shot through him that left him trembling long after the two of them parted. 

A funny thing Crowley noticed when the two of them went their separate ways in the morning, following dressing and staying up all night telling each other years of words that at the time, they thought were best left unspoken. Aziraphale had his back turned, and handprints mirroring the very areas Crowley had touched the night before shone lightly back in a deep metallic gray against the orange of the sunrise. He was quick to hide the same golden handprints on his hips when he pulled his pants on quickly. 

Smoothing the wrinkles out with his hands, Crowley leaned over to Aziraphale, pressing their lips together, slightly smudging the other with gold and grey. 

“Ice Cream?” 

Crowley nodded.


End file.
